Autumn Leaves

I'm at a place right now,
That I have been but once before.
I'm burdened with these failures
That weigh me down like no others.

Time after time I have realized that
I am sitting with empty packages
Littered around me
Just like autumn leaves.

Each day I've promised myself
That I would never eat again
Until I become perfectly thin.
But every time,
Circumstances prevented my efforts.

I look at myself.
I have become grotesquely huge,
And I know I am not imagining this.
I am just afraid that I will fail once more
If I try to lose the weight again.