Ring

I made myself a promise.
Its one that I remember
Each time that I close my fists.
Its hard to loose weight
In your fingers, believe me,
Not easy, like say, in your wrists.
But I've got a ring -
Only just too small,
So, I'll starve until it perfectly fits.

Neil (A poem from me to Neil)

Nothithing you say is laced with judgement, because

Encouragement and optimism are your natural gifts.

I have never known you to condemn another's choice.

Live long, live well, Angel of Understanding.

~~~~~~~~~~

I wanted to try doing an accrostic poem for him, but he doesn't have a whole lot of letters to work with. ;) I will inivitably write more. I feel that this poem doesn't quite do him justice. The reason I am including this poem on my ED poetry blog, is because community and support is so vital to us. There are several subtle references to ED's, such as the "choice" in line 3. Enjoy!

Another poem to me from Neil

Hello KJ
It is Monday
Free from the weekend fun, laughter and play
A new week to meet your goals that keep you from bay
It's winter and May seems so far away
But still it's great to say hey on this cold winters day
So many things us humans want to say
Tonight seems like a good time before it's time to lay
Wondering what you're up to
Down to earth blues sooths melodic harmonies
I'm sure you're doing OK
By the end of the week things may have changed
But I'll always say hey an any sort of day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neil is one of the best ED friends I have. part of having an ED is having a strong support group, and Neil is a very major part of my support group. ^_^ I would like to encourage all who read this to reach out to those around you! Things may seem really dark, but Just keep trying! Just keep loving! Just keep holding each other up. <3

Wishes

My friends tell me I'm so thin.
My family says I need to eat more.
I wish I could believe them.
I wish part of me would listen.
And I know they mean the best,
But I know what I disguise.
I know that fluffy skirt won't show
Fat cllinging to my thighs.
I also know that I can't be content
If I cannot be a spector of me now.
At least I know they see
Nothing wrong with me.
My personality
Has well hidden
My skinny-ridden,
Fragile, frame of mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stream of Consciousness. I guess you could say these poems are my signature. I wrote them even before I knew they had a name. Essentially, they are myself, in the most pure, raw form of my thoughts. The words each reflect who I am. I strongly encourage any writer to try this form of poetry at least once. Good luck writing!

Thin Together

There is the boy who tells me its ok
To be the way I am.
He thinks I am beautiful,
Though his compliments are very round about.
He is one of the reasons I hold on.
He is thin like me,
But not for the same reasons.
He and I laugh at
The fat that plagues the people around us.
He doesn't think that I starve myself,
But he knows I don't eat much.
He is not judgemental of me,
And he is so accepting.
Fate was kind to provide me a best friend
The day I met him.
Maybe one day long from now,
I will be able fall in love.
And when that day comes,
Maybe the two of us can be thin together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this poem about one of my best friends. I will probably never be able to show him this poem, because he doesn't know I have an eating disorder. I don't think he would judge me, but he would try to help. And as of now, I don't want to be helped. He also cannot see the end of the poem when I said I will maybe fall in love with him someday.

This is free-verse. There is no rhyme or meter. I honestly don't even know if anyone will like it. I really didn't read through it besides just writing it. It is nearly a pure stream of consciousness. I re-worded one or two lines, but other than that, this is a segment of my thoughts. I would encourage other people to write stream of consciousness poems, because they allow us to be honest and open with each other. Good Luck Writing!

Mirror

I HUNGER for the day
When FAT melts away
And FAILURE stops haunting my soul
My BONES will be pure
When my light WEIGHT is sure
And the SCALE is no longer my foe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This poem was written in English class. similar to a stream of consciousness, it is derived from your initial reactions to a topic. However, when you are given or come up with a topic, think of 5 or 6 words that you think of when you first hear, or see, or whatever the topic word. "Mirror" was my topic word. Next, you write each line to contain one of the words (preferably in the order you thought of them) so they make sense. I capitalized the words I had initially thought. This is a rather simple concept, but if you really wanted to push yourself, you could try writing a longer poem! Good luck writing!

KJ (A Poem to me from Neil)

Her name is Kerry and she is sixteen years old
Known to be from America
In her own right there is no-one better than her
She whispered in my ear and told me the truth
Never lying to me or her friends on PT
Very pleased to meet me
Talented in the way of poetry
Seen one picture of her and she's so pretty
Her name is Kerry
Kerry rhymes with very
That's very for very talented in the way of poetry
Had a few problems with her health
Her strength will keep her well
Instead of being thrown down to the darkness on hell
Her light shines
So bright to a new friend of mine
Cute suits you
With not a mask to hide from
An enchanting face is nothing new
She puts a smile on your face like a Christmas play
My favourite character KJ

Beauty is to be Thin

Beauty can't simply be defined
By reference books or sites
Though people often feel inclined
To go to greatest heights
Converting pictures into words
To spring the thought to life. . .
Sky scrapers, fresh air, trees, and birds
But cutting like a knife
You realize of all these things
That none of the sufice
But one idea that softly sings
With words like silky ice
It sinks your heart to deep dispair and violent crying. Then
You notice with a sudden light: Beauty is to be Thin

~~~~~~~~~~

This is a Shakespearean sonnet. A little bit more structured than I would usually write, but I wrote this to push myself. Stretching one's self often helps one to improve one's writing style. Good luck writing!

Thin

Feels like freedom from excess weight holding you down
Looks nicer than everyone else's chubby frown
Tastes better than anything - A taste of its own
Sounds like almost nothing - Thin isn't loud
Smells like perfume, green tea, gum, but blends in with the crowd.

~~~~~

This is  a sensory poem. Each line describes how the theme word/title affects that sense. Pretty straight-forward. These can be free-verse, or rhyme and have meter, whatever. They are your creations, so write what you feel! Good luck!

For clarification, when I say "blends in with the crowd," I mean that 'thin' doesn't want to stand out in the sense of people noticing an eating disorder. I, for one, never try to blend in the sense that I want to be just like everyone else.

Food

Overindulgence. Crafty. I don't like meat.

I want coffee for lunch.

He always eats with me. We don't eat.

Talk instead. . . I like talking.

Expensive. Snooty. Dull.

Too much work. Not enough time.

Smells bad. Tastes funny. Why bother?

Keep going, I don't want to finnish.

I hate it. We need it.

Viscious Circle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is my very first stream of consciousness poem that I wrote in 10th grade. (Be generous. I was only a sophomore.) I wrote this during a class activity in English during our poetry unit. Since then, I have really fallen in love with this style. Its so pure and unrestricted. Its free-verse, free-everything pretty much. The poem is literally a reflection of your thought process. You can't force anything. You just write what you think. Once you have a topic (or someone gives you a topic,) write down everything that comes to your mind, however it comes to your mind, for a few minutes or until you have written as much as you want to. you can change lines when ever you like. The main idea is just to write. you can edit it later to fit your liking, or leave it a pure stream of consciousness. I prefer to leave it pure so that the privileged few who read it can see a little bit of the way I think. I guess it just seams a little bit more real to me that way. 


As always, thank you for reading, and good luck writing!

"Limitations" and "Perfection"

"Limitations"

Like the rules we so often seek to bend,
I cannot stand the boundaries that are so often set for
Me.Why is your standpoint flawless, and mine
Is dangerous and labled with other pejoratives?
The way I look to me should
Always be more important than your discriptions.
Telling me that my view is wrong
Is one of the best ways to make my
Opinions only seem the more right in my eyes.
None of what you have said to me meant anything
Since your words are not full of love, but judgement.

~~~~~~~~~~~

This is an acrostic poem. I am sure most people had to write similar poems in elementary school, but those were probably the name of your pet, or your favorite color. Your thoughts were each contained in separate lines. Some of your lines may have only contained an adjective or two. This is a bit of a stream of consciousness. It is very free-verse other than the obvious vertical spelling of the word "limitations." I wrote this poem to be ambiguous so I could use it to show how CREATIVE acrostics are written without condemning myself and revealing my eating disorder. If you look very closely though, I'm sure you could see it peeking through a little bit though. The following poem is disguising the eating disorder far less. I hope you enjoy them both. And I also hope that you will be inspired to try something like this of your own! Good luck!

~~~~~

"Perfection"


Perspective makes all the difference when
Everyone is making judgements.
Rather than be criticized, and always
Fail their little tests, I will just stop
Eating. If I could just reduce the amount I
Consume, then I would be
Thin enough for them to think I am beautiful. My own
Image is distorted to me. No matter what I will seem
Overweight in my own eyes. You can't change me and your
Negativity will never fix what you see as my problems.

I Want to be a Butterfly

I want to be a butterfly
Beautiful, and paper-thin,
Weightless, watching days go by,
Free of this indulgent sin.
When I can lay this body down
I'll free the butterfly within.

I want to be a butterfly
Delicate, like vintage lace,
Perfect, watching days go by,
Elegant, and filled with grace.
But each morning when I wake,
My butterfly is pinned in place.

I want to be a butterfly
Purified from mundane things,
Fragile, watching days go by,
Float through life on vellum wings.
Released at last, my spirit's freed,
The Butterfly in my soul sings.

~~~~~~~

This poem stemmed from my ED as well as my obsession with butterflies. Butterflies float, they're thin, ethereal, beautiful, whimsical, practically weightless. Just like I want to be.

This is a Stanza poem with a defined meter and rhyme.
Meter:

Line 1: Iambic Tetrameter
Line 2: Trochaic Tetrameter
Line 3: Trochaic Tetrameter
Line 4: Trochaic Tetramete
Line 5: Iambic Tetrameter
Line 6: Iambic Tetrameter

Rhyme:
A, B, A, B, C, B

If one were to write a stanza poem of their own, they could write each line with all the same meter, or they could change them up like I  did. Both can be equally challenging in their own respective ways. Also, rhyme schemes can change from stanza to stanza if desired. However, one set rhyme scheme can be more pleasing to the ear.

Good Luck Writing!

2 Haiku

"Resolution"

The scale and mirror
Tell her she's not thin enough
Strengthens her resolve

"Cake"

Cake on the table

Just one bite? But I cannot,

For I could not stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are haiku. Haiku are a Japanese poetry form containing 3 lines. the first and last lines have 5 syllables, and the middle line has 7. They usually have one-word titles, and need not contain complete sentences. Writing a good haiku is harder than it looks. Trust me. You can write one fairly quickly, but due to the few lines and syllables, getting the best words possible into the poem can be a bit of a challenge.

Anorexia

A chemical imbalance causing fear of weight-gain
It's my parents' faults - This country's fault - My own
The beauty I hunger for hypnotically hides the hurt
Anorexia is a chainsaw ripping open my chest,
But I love it, for soon I'll quench my thirst for perfection

~~~~~~~~~~

This is a definition poem. The first line, you give a definition in your own words. Second line, you write whatever.  3rd, you use a alliteration. 4th line: you use imagery, and last, you write whatever. None of the lines need rhyme, though you can feel free to rhyme as you wish.
These poems can be really fun to write, and can stretch your creative wings so to speak. Good luck writing, and as always, keep me posted on your work!

Secrets are meant to be Kept (Secrets (Alternate))

Is it worth the risk of judgemental eyes
Looking you over a second time?
Or the way they stop and silently stare
Whenever you're close enough to hear?
How about your friends?
Would they still love you then,
when you pour out your heart in the table?
Just keep it all in:
How you wish to be thin,
For some secrets are meant to be kept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Is it worth the risk of judgemental eyes
Looking you over a second time?
Or the way they stop and silently stare
Whenever you're close enough to hear?
How about your friends?
Would they still love you then,
when you pour out your heart in the table?
Just keep it all in,
For the balance is thin,
And some secrets are meant to be kept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is my most normal writing style. Sort of rhyming and sort of meter... but not really. Highly irregular. Like me. I wrote the second version so I could post it at non-ana places... but give me your opinion... Which is better? Honestly, I can't choose.

Weighing Room

Cold glass, close walls
Once again, like every day
I'm standing here... Alone.
The numbers on the screen peirce within
like needles and razor blades on the skin.
My hand is on the smooth flat image.
There's another girl trapped inside.
Is she in another universe,
Or only in my head and eyes?
Step back. Avert vision. Turn. Close the door.

----

This is a place poem with style intending to transport the reader to a particular time or event in a space that the author is either creating from the imagination, remembering, or very familiar with. The point is to make the reader "see" this place in their mind's eye. Usually the place is tied to a deep emotional meaning, like a dark haunting place you can't seem to escape, or a point of hope you only wish to experience some day, or maybe somewhere you feel safe. Like most poetry, this can help to unmask one's soul, or help to reinforce one's desire to hide. These poems need not have meter or rhyme, though they may if desired. I generally prefer free verse with a little rhyme and some natural "speaking" meter, but not fully structured form, as you can see exhibited in this poem, for example. Knock yourselves out you all, have fun, get creative, and let me know what you come up with. Good luck writing!

Little Fish, Little Things

Pressed against the window
Like a fish inside the glass.
Swim 'round and 'round in circles,
But whether slow or fast
It doesn't really matter,
Because you aren't going anywhere
In particular, confined in a transparent box.
Oh, sure. You can float from one side to the other,
Travel up, or sink down.
You're getting worse, You're getting better
But you still can't make a sound.
Haunting eyes, they stare intently,
And they observe your every move;
Entertained as you blow bubbles;
Bored when you ignore your food.
"Look at this fish here!" Someone says,
"Its big and bright and beautiful!"
But when they look at you,
The ecstasy in their voice is gone.
"This fish is plain and skinny,
And we never see it eat.
Clearly, this one's worthless.
I'm sure there's something wrong with it."
And all the tricks you do,
you could practically sprout wings,
And it wouldn't matter, because their minds
Have already been made up.
And there is no way you can convince them
That you're special and you're worth it,
Because of those stupid, little things.

-----

This would be an example of my primary writing style. Though not all my poems are this long per se, the rhyme and meter are definitely my norm. Irregular, though usually rhyming, and a sort of natural flowing, though not regulated meter. I have met a few writers with a similar poetry-writing style. One of them has become a good friend of mine, and I hope to showcase his poetry sometime soon. If you write similarly, or you write totally different, send in a poem which exhibits your usual style, and maybe share what you think is special, or unique about it! I'd love to showcase some other people's works some time. Good luck writing, lovelies.

Red

Red is blood streaming down the face of a beaten girl.
Red is anger for those who have mercilessly abused us.
Red is hatred for the cowards who hide behind their taunting, cruel, words.
Red is a heart broken and left to fix itself.
Red is lips that whisper lies and make promises never intended to be kept.
Red is the slowest visible electromagnetic wavelength.
Red is burns. Words can burn the soul. Both take very long to heal.
Red is pressure to conform to society's idea of beauty.
Red is violence in the family, the world, for religious zeal, because of discrimination.
Red is warmth. Don't you miss it when your body is always cold?
Red is pain. Pain is only temporary, but it molds us like nothing else.
Red is lipstick. Look perfect. Smile.
Red is the glowing embers of someone's dying hope.
Red is the carpet where beautiful people walk. Look like them and you're beautiful too.
Red is a ribbon that says: "I am disordered. Will you please treat me like a normal human?"

---

This form of color poem have nearly no restrictions other than each line starts with the chosen color and describes an aspect of the color or something that reminds you of the color. The poem contains 10-15 lines with this format, and it titled as the color. Don't limit yourself to just the basic 8 colors, for a challenge get creative and do a specific shade of a color, a rainbow, or title a basic color and make each line a different shade of the color etc. Go wild! Good luck writing! Send me what you come up with for this style! I Love you all! <3

Empty Like a Starving Child

I hate cold.
Bitter
I feel so alone.
I have been so stupid to think that things like this mattered.
I'm losing words. they're slipping... falling... failing.
I don't deserve this.
I don't deserve the sun.
I don't deserve anything.
Should I let go?
Slowly
Simplicity is Beauty.
Fear is Courage.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Depressing
There isn't a point to all of this... its empty.
Empty like a starving child.

----

This is a stream of consciousness poem. To write a stream of consciousness poem, one decides on a topic, then writes down any and every word, phrase, etc exactly as one thinks of it, until one decides that the poem is over, retaining artistic integrity. The poem does not need rhyme or meter, though if you were to think that way, there is nothing wrong with it. The only requirement is that the form and words are a pure translation of your thought process on a certain topic. Good Luck writing!